A Fable For How to Sell More Watches

 By Bruce Shawkey

Found this cute little article in a 1969 issue of Europa Star magazine. They don't write stories like this any more:

Wachie's Barking Corner

We all want to sell watches. The more, the better. Now, quite some time ago, a major watch company came out with an important advertising campaign. Motto: 

SCHNOOK, THE WATCH FOR YOUR LIFE

Maybe you remember. Maybe you reacted like I did: "HOW STUPID!" I encountered the general manager of the Shnook Company. "Hello," I yapped. "I understand you're going to close your factory soon." "Of course," I said. "Once all people disposing of the necessary petty cash have bought your expensive watch, they'll have it for life. You'll wait until the next generation of rich people has grown up before you make another sale.". My frivolousness killed the man's day and cost his advertising manager's job. I still believe I did a goad job though.

    Here, we are trying to sell watches. to more people. Have we really made all possible efforts to sell more watches to the same people? Have we sufficiently explained that the gold diamond-studded watch is not exactly the thing to wear when going shopping or fishing? Have we told people that the diver's watch does not blend too well with a tuxedo? I believe not. Yet, have you ever met the tailor or the haberdasher who told you, "This, Sir, is a suit for your life. Your can wear it for hunting, fishing, baseball, tennis, mountain climbing, cocktail parties, and as pajamas." Or have YOU  YOU ever imagined that you could get away with ONE suit for the rest of your days and wear it even when you one day greet Saint-Peter? You're not that crazy! Or has anyone ever tried to sell you "the car for your life?" That's it -- this one will last you to the end of your days." I, for myself, wouldn't use that kind of sales talk even if the customer were 127 years old, plagued with measles and a heart as clunkey as a broken down piano.

    Let me tell you: about the only thing you may own for life ... is your wife. And even that you might have to change.

    So, let's sell more watches to more people and let's sell more people more watches. Maybe I have an idea or two, how it should be done.

See you next time.

Sincerely your WATCHIE